This past week I have been reminded about the many powerful benefits music has on us. What a huge positive impact it has on our lives – Imagine a world without music! Music is in our lives in so many ways. When we listen to music, it awakes all kinds of emotions in us – joy and happiness, sadness and sorrow. Music holds memories and music speaks to the heart. It connects us in a special way.
Where words fail, music speaks – Hans Christian Andersen Continue reading
When did you last spend 10 minutes doing absolutely nothing? Just 10 minutes?
We are busier than ever, running faster and faster, expecting more and more from ourselves.
Wishing you a wonderful weekend!
I don’t know about you – but my meditation practice went down the drain as we got into summer with the kids being home, guests arriving, dog sitting, trips away from home and things going on all the time.
Meditation is one of those things that is as important to me as brushing my teeth. It is where I reconnect with myself, find balance, tune in to my core, listen to the songs of my soul and come home.
When I get out of my life-balance rhythm, I suffer and it leads to unrest in my body. As a result, I get stressed, I feel grumpy more often, feel restless. I get distracted and feel disconnected. I may overeat, convince myself I don’t have time to run or that I really, really need that bag of chips!
When this happens, I know it’s time for me to reconnect with myself, and one of the best ways I find, is mindfulness meditation.
In an earlier post I wrote about how meditation changes the brain – how meditation keeps us clam and grounded long after we finished mediating. It helps us stay calm and focused, even in stressful situations. The situation is very much like the way that running helps us to burn fat even in between runs and while resting, because our muscles have become a fat burning furnace. The same happens in the brain when we mediate – and even after just a short period of time it is possible to see changes in the brain. The propensity for relaxation becomes larger and it becomes easier to find back into the same peaceful place within, just as we experience during meditation.
I know that in beginning meditation may very well feel inside like Times Square during rush hour! It takes a while to find the calm and it is important to remember that meditation does not mean that the mind is totally quiet. As my mediation hero, Jon Kabat-Zinn, says: “If you have a mind, it is going to wander”! When the mind wanders and you start thinking about shopping lists, who is driving the kids to soccer, what you should have said to someone or should not have said, when you start telling yourself you will never learn to meditate and you don’t need it anyway – the trick is, to return to the breath – again and again, without judgement.
I have downloaded my meditations to my phone so I can hear them whenever I need them – 5 min, 10 min, 15 min 20 or 30 minutes meditations – voila no excuses.
The latest addition to my collection is a Mindfulness Meditation App – it has 4 guided meditations 3 min, 5 min, 15 or 30 min – it also has 4 silent meditations and a guided Body Scan. You can set it so that at certain times, it reminds you that it’s time to meditate. It can even poke you at certain intervals to remind you to be more mindful and allowing yourself to be exactly as you are – not escaping life as it is, but to be mindful in the moment.
For years I have used Jon Kabat-Zinn’s mindfulness meditations and I never get tired of them
Here is a workshop Jon Kabat- Zinn gave at Google some years ago
We are so hard on ourselves – we are raised to be kind, polite and respectful to others – but not to ourselves. Somehow, it is okay to treat ourselves disrespectful and talk to ourselves in the cruelest of ways!
We have about 25.000 – 65.000 thoughts a day – 90 % are critical and a big part of those are turned towards ourselves! I am too fat! Gosh, I look dreadful! I suck at math! I totally tone-deaf so I don’t sing along! I will never be able to do that! I am a terrible cook,!I don’t deserve that job/position/credit! I will never make that kind of money! She is much more beautiful than me! He is much better than me! He (she) doesn’t love me! I am unlovable……………etc. etc. Would we talk to others like that? No-way! But nevertheless we bombard ourselves with it every day. Then we smile and pretend everything is okay and wonder why we feel so miserable!
These kind of thoughts are stressful on our body. They effect our health. They create imbalance in the body and they make us feel miserable and depressed!
If these negative thoughts were even a bit positive or helpful, if they could motivate us and get us on the right track – then we could use them – but unfortunately – they are not!
Dr. Kristin Neff Ph.D, associate professor, Human Development and Culture, Educational Psychology Department, University of Texas at Austin is the author of the book Self-Compassion. Kristin Neff is also featured in the best-selling book and award winning documentary “The Horse Boy” – that tells the story of her family’s personal journey with autism.
I love her approach – not the usual “think positive” approach, but rather, having compassion for who we are with everything, the good, the bad and the ugly, shortcomings and all – accepting that we are humans, that we are not perfect and that we do make mistakes. She talks about self-compassion being healthier than self esteem in this great article in Psychology today.
She uses her own story, she has humor and insight – and she is hugely inspiring!
This is a great interview with Kristin Neff in the program The High Bar with Warren Etheredge
Kristin Neff’s book Self-Compassion is a wonderful book that I highly recommend. Her website is full of useful information, videos, self-compassion meditations, interviews exercises and more. Kristin Neff is also the writer in Psychology Today’s blog with articles such as “Why self compassion is healthier than self esteem” and “Self-compassion for caregivers” and “let go of self-criticism and discover self-compassion” ! She also writes for Huffington Post’s blog with articles like “Does self-compassion mean letting yourself off the hook”? and “Treating yourself as you’d treat a good friend”
http://www.self-compassion.org/
You may also want to read my post about compassion
Jogging is such a perfect way to unwind, relax your mind, and recharge the body. It is impossible to go out for a run and return back, grumpy – it’s simply, not possible. Jogging is an excellent mood enhancer, it works every time! Professionally, it is often a part of the treatment for depression and stress.
Jogging is also a great way to solve problems and ignite your creative juices. Feeling empty or stuck with a problem? Get changed, put on the old running shoes and hit the road. Chances are that the problem will solve itself as you run – all of a sudden you can see things in a new perspective and find a solution.
Running/jogging is a great way to get some “you time” – away from it all.
I am sure most of us will agree that jogging is good for us, but many will also agree with me that it is really hard to actually establish the routine of running, several times a week, every week, every month, every year, year after year.
I see too many people out there looking as though they are not enjoying it at all – pressuring themselves way too hard, beyond healthy, looking stressed, in pain almost – running is just another thing on the to-do-list.
Considering running as a chore is stressful, no fun and you are much more likely to injure yourself ! I’m quite sure that running this way is not healthy either!
I have been a jogger, on an off, my whole life – but it is not until 2 years ago, that I have actually become a faithful runner and I couldn’t live without it!
While out running the other day, I was thinking “how did it happen?”. For years, I had been an on-and-off runner, usually running 2-3 K max two or three times a week. I would be doing this for some months and then the “monkey mind” would finally convince me I didn’t need it any longer. Then I would stop for a couple of months, till I finally got a grip on my self and started all over again. I did not enjoy it, I forced myself and I actually hated it! I also got injured from running again and again, my knees would bother me, then one foot would become sore with plantar fasciitis, and I would stop, again!
This is how I did it
I was told about Jeff Galloway’s Run -Walk -Run program and that changed everything for me
Jeff Galloway is my hero – he taught me all I needed to know to motivate me to hit the road and keep running.
Galloway is an American Olympian and after many injuries he invented his “Run-Walk-Run” method that has inspired thousands to start running and keep at it. He is the author of many books – he even wrote a book called “Running until you’re 100”! His message is clear – anyone can run!
By adding more walks in to your runs you:
I swear by Galloway’s program. It fits perfect with my philosophy that we have to listen to the body and do mindful running.
This is how I got started, inspired by Galloway:
In the beginning I was walking a lot more than I was running. To be totally honest with you I could not run 10 steps without being out of breath. As I kept to the program, each time I could run a little longer. It doesn’t matter, as long as we get out – that is the most important.
By following this program you will very quickly, feel improvement. Make sure you can always carry on a conversation without huffing and puffing. Take it easy – AND put in as many walk breaks as you need. Who cares?
I love Oscar Wilde’s philosophical quote:- Life is too important to be taken seriously! This is true when it comes to running too!
Get out, have fun and above all enjoy your run!!
Links to Jeff Galloway’s website and books;
Yesterday evening I went out kayaking with a group of girlfriends. We went out at 5pm, after work. None of us are pros in any way and most had only tried kayaking a couple of times – It was a blast!
What caught my attention the most was the peace – it was such an incredible experience to cut through the water, quietly. Hearing the water, smelling the sea, hearing the birds – it was like meditation.
I saw a couple of seals on the way and one in particular caught my attention – he was right next to me, floating on top, with his eyes almost closed, looking so peaceful. Every now and the he took a deep breath in – just enjoying the moment, being in the now. What a great reminder it was – it was like he was telling me – “slow down, close your eyes and breathe in”
We live in hectic times and often we don’t even think about it – but we are on 24/7 – we can always be reached, cell phones, emails, text, Skype, Facebook, internet – we have the cell in the pocket, close to heart – just in case. Then there is the television, the radio, the constant business of life. Wow yesterday – I felt just how important it is to tune out, every now and then.
One of my favorite websites is called – excuse the name – but “free cabin porn”. It features secluded cabins all over the world – small private sanctuaries – where people go to tune out. Check it out here
I am reminded to create that space within to tune out – and leave the world as it is – just for a while.
Life can be hectic. Always something going on, family, work, friends, house work, chores, obligations and on top of that, Facebook, emails, the phone, internet , the News, the television, the radio, the phone ringing, another text message coming in. It is constantly going on from early morning till late at night – you’re on – 24/7.
When did you last say good morning to yourself? How are you? So often we touch base with the world but forget to nurture ourselves. Like an instinct, we put others before ourselves, it happens automatically. Not that other people are not important, they are! The problem is when other people become more important than you! That is a big problem! Because in the end we have nothing more to give, we become grumpy, hollow, empty and burned out.
It is not selfish to take time for yourself – it’s vital! Crucial for your well-being and for being able to make a difference in this world.
A car cannot run without gas, the phone does not work without a loaded battery – that is obvious and we know that. But somehow we think we can magically run forever without recharging our batteries. We lose if we try to keep that up and it is a misconception that we think we have to.
We become more alive if we care for ourselves, we are more fun to be with when we care for ourselves. We are better parents when we look after our own needs and by doing so, we also teach our children to care for themselves. We perform better and we are more creative when we are not stressed and burned out. We get less depressed and less anxious. We get more energy. We are less sick.
Here are some of my favorite ways to reconnect with myself and recharge my batteries :
Meditate – even 5 min if I don’t have much time – it makes a big difference.
Writing is amazing – I can feel disconnected and write myself home within a very short time.
A good run – when I am overwhelmed and feel my brain is going to crash any minute, a good run refreshes me and I always come back with a smile on my face.
Peace within is not something we have to learn, it is there already – but we have to remember to connect to it.
What are your favorite ways to reconnect?
So what has shame to do with health? just Everything! Just think about it. How do you feel when you feel shameful, hurt and angry. Your body is tight, your shoulders are up around your ears, you have a knot in your stomach and a tightness around your chest, your breath is shallow, your thoughts are dark and maybe the big hammer is hammering away with messages like – “Gosh you are so stupid!” “Why did you do that?” “Will you ever learn!” “You are so fat!” “Why can’t you never do it right” …ad nauseam…
And how about “old” shame? Stories that have been in our families — maybe for generations? Addictions, sexual abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse, neglect – shame we feel deep inside, shame that makes us feel different and inherently defective, flawed and bad. The feeling of shame we hide from the world, we want no one to see it, we keep it hidden in the darkest corner of our soul. We overwork not to feel it, we overeat and drink to numb it out, we sabotage ourselves, we criticize ourselves, the world, our children and our spouse. We pretend to be happy and hide our vulnerability.
It affects us deeply to feel shame, on a cellular level, it even affects our immune system. It affects the choices we make, it affects how we sleep, how we eat, how we show up in the world, how we love, how we parent. When we feel shame it is easy to chose to comfort ourselves with red wine and creme cake. Shame rubs us of health and happiness. It takes away our energy and focus on life. We are caught up in a web. All suppressed emotions – are not just suppressed, they actually build up in the body causing havoc inside – stress, depression, anxiety, addiction …….
In my life it was addiction and abuse that was my secret shame. I never talked to anyone about it, I hid it from the world and smiled while I desperately….desperately, tried to hold the shame down so no one could see it or find out that I was actually flawed, defective and not good enough.- But it was like a beach ball it kept coming back up.
Shame works like a really effective defense mechanism. While I was “busy” thinking it was me who was defective and flawed, focus was away on my true feelings. Feelings of anger and pain for having been abused and for having had an addicted mother who could not be there for me.
But shame can only live in the dark, shame thrives in the dark – as soon as we bring it out in to the light, talk about it to someone who will listen with empathy and without judgement, it dissolves! It is not about blaming or acting our feelings out! – It is about feeling those emotions connected to the experiences we have had, sharing them, going through them, having a benevolent witness to those feelings. When we do that, we feel like a ton of weight has been lifted from our shoulders, we forgive, we feel love and connection, we feel joy and we move on.
When we feel shame it’s like an alarm clock – it’s time to stop up and figure out what is going on. We are not born with shame – feeling shame is just telling us something is wrong – something needs our attention. We need to shine love on it, be gentle with it and reach out for help and connection.
Vulnerability is not a weakness, it’s a strength and it’s beautiful- it’s here we come from the most authentic place within us.
Dr. Brene Brown is a researcher in shame and vulnerability – she is such a great inspiration and I absolutely love her. I have devoured her 2 books ” I just thought it was me, but it isn’t ” and “The gifts of Imperfection”. I recommend her books wholeheartedly! Find them in Anne’s Favorite’s
Here is a Ted Talk she did – enjoy!
Anne Sture Tucker 